Big Family Not Big Enough

  So when people stop me in stores or at school or church, without knowing me, there are usual reactions about the size of our family that I have noticed over time follow a certain pattern. Usually, the comments start at astonished and end with leaving me feel belittled.
  Most commonly are the opening questions. " Are all these kids yours?!", " You birthed them all?, No steps?", " Are you Catholic or Mormon?" and even get as personal as "What, do you not believe in birth control or what?". Then something amazing happens. I suddenly become the target of defensiveness. People start sharing their views on family size, finances and religion. Confessions are made and reasons for why they only decided on two or three or four are given. I don't ask questions, I don't offer opinions because I don't have any. I listen.
  Once the purging is over the insults begin. I get to hear how their mother is one of eight, how their grandparents where from families of fifteen, twenty, fifty. how basically, I am nothing because I only have nine children and the luxury of a washing machine and microwave. How I will never know the challenges that a real big family experiences.
  This hasn't happened once or even twice. It happens often. I'm not sure at what point folks began to feel free to share their views on my life. It's almost like having all or most of my children with me is an invitation that says, "Hey, I would love to hear your bawdy remarks about my marital sex life, I had no idea kids were expensive, I hope you will embarrass me by insinuating that I am ignorant and uneducated and at the same time try to make me feel insecure about how I can never live up to the saintly women way up in the limbs of  your family tree."
  On the same note, lets get another thing straight, MY FERTILITY IS NOT AN APPROPRIATE TOPIC OF DISCUSSION. It is private. Unless you are my husband, close girlfriend or priest please don't assume that I want to consult with you about it. Yes, I know how babies are made.
  I am proud of my family, I will happily answer your questions about the ages of our children. I will graciously thank you when you tell me I look too young to be a mother of so many even when I know what you are really hinting at. I love my children as individuals and it's okay if you can't wrap your head around it, I don't need to convince you, I need to convince them. Let me assure you of probably the most important message I wish to impart, I don't think I am better than you. I don't assume I have all of the answers and I am not a child rearing expert. I make mistakes and have regrets like every mom. I have never equated family size to holiness. I am on a journey just like you and maybe, if I am found worthy, your grandmother too.